Wanting it all March 16th, 2011
Why why why can’t I just be happy with what I have?? Ok that came out wrong, I am REALLY very happy with everything in my life, it’s perfect. I couldn’t ask for a better husband, I have the most amazing baby boy and I love my beautiful little family to bits. I have a lovely home and I own an investment property, my husband earns enough money so I don’t have to work which means I can spend my days enjoying my son and life is generally good. The only thing which annoys me slightly is that I’m not exactly very healthy at the moment and i get a bit frustrated with having to take tablets every day for the rest of my life but it was a small price to pay to have my beautiful baby and I’m sure as time goes on and I start to feel better on my meds that I will start to get a grip and stop feeling so frustrated by it all.
Hmmm, got side tracked a bit there…
Anyway, basically what I’m trying to say is why do I always want more?? I have everything and more than a lot of people could ever dream of but I just don’t feel complete yet. I’m not sure what it is but i know there is something I should be doing and im not if that makes sence? I keep thinking i need to go travelling again, it annoys me that we all live our lives in such a confined way, I mean I love the town where I live but it tiny and insignificant compared to the rest of the world and I think I would go insane if I spent the rest of my life here. I don’t want to lead a life of confinement, I want to experience what the world has to offer but you can’t do that without money and we can’t just sell up and go (however much I want to) because at some point the money will run out and we will have to come back and jack needs to have a home to grow up in.
I do also think that maybe it’s my career that I need to look at. My older sisters managed to do want they wanted when they left school but I was manipulated into working for the family business which I hated from day 1 and I spent 10 years feeling suffocated by my family. I tried a few times to leave but I was always made to feel really bad about it and was excluded from the family. When I went travelling I was determined that it was going to be an end to it all but as soon as I got back I was once again back working for the family. Even after I had jack I was back working 1 day a week from when he was just 6 weeks old. I would have loved to of been a midwife and I’ve got all my qualifications to get me into uni but I don’t think I can fit it in now, by the time I qualify I would be 30!! Hmmm, I really don’t know what I want to do anymore.