“finding myself” “brick walls” and “life” August 30th, 2009
Well that’s another day nearly over and it means that I’m one day closer to my trip of a lifetime! It’s odd though because the closer I get to it the more I just want it to be over and done with so that I can come back and start living! I know that sounds odd and I’m really not wishing my life away honestly but things have been really unsettled lately and after 2 years living at my parents house and living for the future I can’t wait to just finish this chapter in my life and get home from traveling, buy a house and just live the simple life for a while one day at a time and enjoying it!
I think I’m actually looking forward more to coming home from my trip and starting a new life for myself, new home, new job, hopefully a new outlook on life and I’m hoping that at some point during this trip that I will find myself and work out what my role on this earth actually is! So far in my life I’ve pretty much been told what to do, how to feel etc and I have just about had enough of it! I can’t believe I’m having to go to the other side of the world just so that I can get away from everything in order to find myself! Most people go traveling to see the world and end up “finding” themselves while they are there! For me I think it’s more that I need the time and space away from all the influences in my life right now so that I can “find myself” and if I happen to see some of the world at the same time then it’s a bonus!! I said to my hubby the other day when he was talking about all the places that we were going to that I don’t actually care where we go! All I want right now is to just disappear for a few weeks to a desert island all by myself and just take a deep breath and relax!!
Why does life have to be so complicated? Why is it that everything I try to do turns out to be so difficult? Life has a funny way of helping you out sometimes! I know I don’t really have that much cause to complain! If you look at the bigger picture my life compared to some is very very good! My god there are people on this earth that are really suffering and I do understand that and I am very thankful for everything that I have but I seam to have this constant battle with life at the moment!! What have I done that is so bad to constantly be punished!! Honestly everything I do just lately I seam to get knocked back by a ton of bricks five times over until I finally manage to break through it and come out the other side just to come up against a brick wall with something else!
On another note it’s my 2nd anniversary tomorrow! I can’t believe it’s been 2 whole years! The sad thing is though that apart from the odd holiday hubby and I have been on together I can’t actually remember the past 2 years all that well. It seams like it’s just past me by. I think I’ve spent so much of it dreaming of the future that I just switched off to my life and have just got through it the best that I could. This next year though is going to be amazing!!!! I’m not going to miss a minute of it!!!