I’m not sure if I will actually publish this post but I’m gonna write it anyway!!
Do you ever feel like writing down all your thoughts sometimes so that you can empty your mind of everything for a few hours?
Today has been one of those days! I have sooo many ideas, questions, answers, reasons, feelings ect just flying around in my head at the moment!
I feel like taking them all out, sorting them through and only putting back the ones I need!!!
I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time with this, I broke the bonds with a situation today that was becoming a bit difficult to control but now I feel really S**t about it! How did I let it get to this point? I can now see why dual roles really don’t work! It’s gonna be a hard few weeks but it needs to be done, it was taking over my life!
I really hope this sorts it’s self out! I’m not sure what else I can do, I’m happy about stepping away from the situation but im also really sad! I just hope it doesn’t change things too much! 
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Till we book our tickets for our travelling!!!!
After 18 months of S**t we are actually at the point of booking our tickets!!!! It’s really going to happen!! Im sort of at that point where I’m excited but I’m holding back a bit because I can’t quite believe it’s actually happening!!!!
I just want the tickets in my hand now!!!
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F**k it June 28th, 2009
F**k it…… F**k it…… F**k it!!!!
I bought a book on Saturday and have read it today! It was so inspiring that I couldn’t put it down so I just sat and read it from start to finish!! I even forgot to eat!! Oops!!
Anyway this book as you might have guessed by now is called F**k it (John C. Parkin) It’s apparently the “ultimate spiritual way” and I have to say I found it very inspiring, the theory behind it is that you shouldn’t let yourself get to attached to anything as when you start building up attachments you start building up emotions and get stressed etc…
Apparently by saying F**k it to all the situations in your life that way you down you actually free yourself up to start experiencing life! I only wish I had read the book a few years ago lol.
I can see his point though, since I have said F**k it to everything that is shit in my life I have become soooo much happier! It’s things like my job! I really hate it but F**k it there is no point moaning about it and there is nothing I can do about it untill I come back from travelling so why worry about it?
It’s a strange feeling to not let things annoy you and to just think that what will be will be! Having so much control over you life and setting goals all the time is so limiting! From now on I’m going with the flow of life and I’m not going to worry about it!
I do have to disagree with Parkin on one point though! He talks about loss & grief and that by saying F**k it to death that we can accept death and so that when someone close to us dies we can accept it and return to normal living in very little time! I have BIG issues with this! I have worked alot with loss & grief and there is currently a huge argument out there about whether someone can actually ever accept their loss and return to “normal” living!! What do you think? Lets just say for example that a mother has lost her child in a tragic accident, could that mother just say “F**k it” and accept it and get on with normal life? I very much doubt it! Some people would even go as far as saying that for as long as she lived she would never accept it!
Also if we were all to live a life with no or very few attachments wouldn’t that be a very lonely existence??
Apart from that I found that the book was very inspiring and it gave me a lot to think about. I would recommend it to everyone.
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I really hope so!!!!
Looking back on the past 2 years I have had some very low points!! It’s been very hard to stay positive and carry on but I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m soooo happy!!
Over the last few weeks iv had lots of comments from people saying that I “look” different and that there is something very strange about me! I know exactly what they mean! I feel alive again and I’m loving life! I’m 100% debt free I have my own property that is being paid for by someone else! I have 13 weeks left at work till I go traveling around the world with my amazing hubby and I feel like all the stress from the past 2-3 years has just disappeared over night!!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not been easy!! There have been some very very low points where I have just wanted to give up on it all but I’m so glad I didn’t!
I have also made it very clear that when I come back from traveling that I will not under any circumstances go back to work at the cafe! Hubby and I have talked about it and he is happy for me not to work if I want to, we can go back to live in our flat and he can afford to support us both on his wage! Luckily his work are going to keep his job open for him!!
Life really is so good at the moment! I want it to stay like this! I feel like a teenager again, I’ve found myself doing things that I haven’t done for years!
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Well then on Saturday I went on another ghost hunt! Iv been on nearly 20 now and I have got to say that this was the best one so far!!
We had lights turning on and off, doors closing on us and some other very odd things! One guy in our group felt like he was being strangled and when we turned the lights on he had a red mark around his neck!
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